This post inspired by the teachings of Katherine Woodward Thomas.
Our core beliefs such as our worthiness to love and be loved, our ability to keep ourselves safe in relationship, whether or not life is supporting us are often outside of our conscious awareness. Studies show that consciousness forms in the womb and certainly consciousness forms ever so surely in response to our primary care givers as a child. If you look at your life and think about the things that are easy to create for you (perhaps you can make money, you are great at making friends, you have a knack for healing others, you design houses and magnetically attract the perfect pieces to make a room shine), well those are the things that you are congruent with - sure you have to work for them, but you achieve your goals in these areas and you can look back and see evidence. For example, if you move to a town where you don't know a soul and then 10 years later you have a social network of friends and a few that you can truly count on, you have proof that "you can make friends" and your body resonates with that truth and it is stamped into your reality. When we struggle is when we try to create something that is outside of our self sense to have. For example, if there is a core identity of "I'm alone and men leave and I can't get my needs met," then you will create a life of self sufficiency and you will continue to generate evidence of the story (otherwise known as the false love identity or source fracture wound). Being completely self sufficient, perhaps working alone from home and never asking anyone for help slowly but surely generates evidence that "I'm alone." You are not making it easy for men to enter into your world and fall in love with you.
How do we break up these source fracture wounds and false love identities? Honestly, coaching is a great place to start. Having someone take you on a guided, slow meditation where you are connected to your body and being asked questions about your honest beliefs can reveal patterns that may be artifacts of assumptions you made in childhood based on your parent's relationship or lack thereof. You can be there for you when you need support the most. The coach can hold the loving container to help you discover what you need to know to heal your past traumas and hurts. And the coach can provide the wisdom of a neutral observer that's not attached to your old stories, but rather, can see the happy future you are generating.
Breaking up an "I'm alone" false love identity may include a number of new skills and capacities such as joining a meetup group, taking a class in something that interests you, volunteering at the animal shelter, committing to regular attendance at church. You may need to learn relational skills like acknowledging your own feelings and needs and sharing them with another person. You could practice on your friends, you could watch movies about relationships that turn to love, you can conjure things up in your own life simply with your intention and your attention. Soon, you will see evidence that you are not alone, but you are an integral part of a large symphony to which there are many parts. "We are all just walking each other home." - Ram Dass